It has been a long-held belief that people on the spectrum can't lie. I can't remember the reasoning behind this. Something to do with "theory of mind"? Anyhow, it's not true. At least not in my case.
Think of it. People like me who have worked very hard to fit in to society's norm are always lying. Because we're acting, which is a form of lying. We are behaving in ways that go against what we really want to do because we learn that acting the way we want to act gets us bullied, laughed at, sidelined. So we put on a disguise and go out into the world and pretend to be a regular person. I actually really respect those who refuse to playact and make their own way in the world. I chose to act as normal as possible.
It took me a while to figure it out. Elementary School was nightmarish in that I was constantly bullied and treated like dirt. By middle school I was a tad better off, but still the target of bullying. My saving grace was a group of wonderful girls who took me in as one of their own and who acted as a buffer from the bullies. And from them I learned how to act the part of a normal girl.
By High School I was not only an accomplished actress but also a damned good liar. To this day I can look at someone with my trustworthy big brown eyes and lie straight to their face. I spent a lot of time honing this skill in HS when I became a rebel and had to lie to my parents often about my whereabouts and doings. In fact, I was at my most real in HS, because I had stopped worrying about looking and acting normal and instead simply rebelled against all that was expected. It helped that I went to a private catholic school in HS because there were so many phony, stuck up, rich snobs there that I really had no choice but to rebel.
So. My whole life I have had to lie; about who I am, what I am, and hide the real me inside.
I've come out of hiding now. Yes, I have to act appropriately in public, but my idea of "appropriate" may not jibe with what others consider appropriate.
This is another reason I think Asperger's is different from HFASD. I think Aspies can lie and do so quite well. HFASD on the other hand don't seem to learn how to "act" like we do. They are always genuinely themselves. I admire that, but it also makes their lives more difficult than those of us who learn to act and lie. Or maybe it doesn't? Maybe they are the lucky ones because they never get buried in false personas - they remain true to themselves regardless of the consequences.
Think of it. People like me who have worked very hard to fit in to society's norm are always lying. Because we're acting, which is a form of lying. We are behaving in ways that go against what we really want to do because we learn that acting the way we want to act gets us bullied, laughed at, sidelined. So we put on a disguise and go out into the world and pretend to be a regular person. I actually really respect those who refuse to playact and make their own way in the world. I chose to act as normal as possible.
It took me a while to figure it out. Elementary School was nightmarish in that I was constantly bullied and treated like dirt. By middle school I was a tad better off, but still the target of bullying. My saving grace was a group of wonderful girls who took me in as one of their own and who acted as a buffer from the bullies. And from them I learned how to act the part of a normal girl.
By High School I was not only an accomplished actress but also a damned good liar. To this day I can look at someone with my trustworthy big brown eyes and lie straight to their face. I spent a lot of time honing this skill in HS when I became a rebel and had to lie to my parents often about my whereabouts and doings. In fact, I was at my most real in HS, because I had stopped worrying about looking and acting normal and instead simply rebelled against all that was expected. It helped that I went to a private catholic school in HS because there were so many phony, stuck up, rich snobs there that I really had no choice but to rebel.
So. My whole life I have had to lie; about who I am, what I am, and hide the real me inside.
I've come out of hiding now. Yes, I have to act appropriately in public, but my idea of "appropriate" may not jibe with what others consider appropriate.
This is another reason I think Asperger's is different from HFASD. I think Aspies can lie and do so quite well. HFASD on the other hand don't seem to learn how to "act" like we do. They are always genuinely themselves. I admire that, but it also makes their lives more difficult than those of us who learn to act and lie. Or maybe it doesn't? Maybe they are the lucky ones because they never get buried in false personas - they remain true to themselves regardless of the consequences.
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