This is how I perceive things.
When I lived on the West Coast, I was able to be myself at my jobs and I was not looked at as a bad employee because of it. I was the goof-off, not in my work, because I always did it and did it well, but I would do things like bring in an inflatable Gumby to work and everyone thought it was funny. When someone popped him, he was laid in wake on our front office table, with black "X"s sharpied over his eyes. My partner in crime was also my best friend. We were constantly doing crazy things and everyone just laughed it off.
The move out to the Midwest was a huge shock to me. People out here are so uptight at work. Like you can't have fun AND get your work done, too. And that's when I started having trouble at work. At one job, for a short period of time, my new best friend and I sat directly facing each other. We had a blast. And my friend even once did the PeeWee Herman bar dance in the middle of the aisle. And all was well. But then we got a new manager, I got into an altercation with a snotty bitch coworker, and I was separated from my friend - in fact, my entire team - and seated at the end of our aisle, right next to my boss' door, with my back to her and her facing me.
So. I think work attitudes out here just basically suck. I never was miserable at any job I had on the West Coast. Out here, everyone is so uptight and I can't stop being myself sometimes - it just leaks through - and then I am in trouble, looked down upon, etc.
I hope my new job isn't like this. They seem very laid back and I hope this is a place where I can just be me. Because I am tired of acting in the play of "worker bee" and in fact don't even think I possess the skills needed for it.
People from my state are unapproachable, passive-aggressive, and they don't reach out to be your friend if you haven't known them since preschool. The one good friend I have made out here is from my home state. The transplants are the ones I seem to get along with best.
So. This move was probably not the best move for someone like me. But... we got our house. We have our beautiful son because we were not going to have a baby until we owned a house. I understand more now why the shock of moving here turned me suicidal and landed me in a psych ward twice. It wasn't just the stress of the move, or leaving everyone I knew behind, family and friends. It was that I was now in a place that didn't accept me as me. And I couldn't adjust. I still haven't - all of the years I have been here I have always felt the need to pretend to be somebody I am not.
Now that I have found "my people", now that I have seen that there are others out there struggling like I am to fit into this uptight state's behavioral requirements, I feel freed. I will go to my job tomorrow, and be my best, hardworking self, but I WILL be my OWN self. If they don't like it, they can let me go. I can't play the game anymore. I am a package deal - me and my eccentricities. I am actually quite fun if you just loosen up a little and see me as I am.
When I lived on the West Coast, I was able to be myself at my jobs and I was not looked at as a bad employee because of it. I was the goof-off, not in my work, because I always did it and did it well, but I would do things like bring in an inflatable Gumby to work and everyone thought it was funny. When someone popped him, he was laid in wake on our front office table, with black "X"s sharpied over his eyes. My partner in crime was also my best friend. We were constantly doing crazy things and everyone just laughed it off.
The move out to the Midwest was a huge shock to me. People out here are so uptight at work. Like you can't have fun AND get your work done, too. And that's when I started having trouble at work. At one job, for a short period of time, my new best friend and I sat directly facing each other. We had a blast. And my friend even once did the PeeWee Herman bar dance in the middle of the aisle. And all was well. But then we got a new manager, I got into an altercation with a snotty bitch coworker, and I was separated from my friend - in fact, my entire team - and seated at the end of our aisle, right next to my boss' door, with my back to her and her facing me.
So. I think work attitudes out here just basically suck. I never was miserable at any job I had on the West Coast. Out here, everyone is so uptight and I can't stop being myself sometimes - it just leaks through - and then I am in trouble, looked down upon, etc.
I hope my new job isn't like this. They seem very laid back and I hope this is a place where I can just be me. Because I am tired of acting in the play of "worker bee" and in fact don't even think I possess the skills needed for it.
People from my state are unapproachable, passive-aggressive, and they don't reach out to be your friend if you haven't known them since preschool. The one good friend I have made out here is from my home state. The transplants are the ones I seem to get along with best.
So. This move was probably not the best move for someone like me. But... we got our house. We have our beautiful son because we were not going to have a baby until we owned a house. I understand more now why the shock of moving here turned me suicidal and landed me in a psych ward twice. It wasn't just the stress of the move, or leaving everyone I knew behind, family and friends. It was that I was now in a place that didn't accept me as me. And I couldn't adjust. I still haven't - all of the years I have been here I have always felt the need to pretend to be somebody I am not.
Now that I have found "my people", now that I have seen that there are others out there struggling like I am to fit into this uptight state's behavioral requirements, I feel freed. I will go to my job tomorrow, and be my best, hardworking self, but I WILL be my OWN self. If they don't like it, they can let me go. I can't play the game anymore. I am a package deal - me and my eccentricities. I am actually quite fun if you just loosen up a little and see me as I am.
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