I sit here day after day and wait for something to happen; the phone to ring about an application I submitted, or waiting to go to an appointment, waiting for my son and hubby to come home - WAITING.
I finally talked to my counselor from the Workforce Center. I go in this Thursday to meet with him and then it takes up to 60 days for them to determine if I am eligible for their services. I've already been dumped by Unemployment Resources. I guess I could always call them back if things don't work out at the WC.
There are tons of things I could be doing while I am home. I could clean the house. I do the dishes and laundry. I scoop up huge balls of dog hair when I find it.
I could be getting rid of all of the excess crap in this house. I feel too overwhelmed when I think of that so I do nothing. I just finished watching the complete Buffy series for the second time and also am getting to the end of Supernatural.
I walk the dog each day. I force myself to.
I actually went and got my hair cut today along with an eyebrow and moustache wax. I actually went to Walgreen's, one of the stores I can go to without panicking. I felt quite productive today.
I have been applying for jobs. I have had phone interviews and even some in-person interviews. I feel like I flub them all up. I go in there, smile, make eye contact, say the right thing, and walk out and think, "they won't hire me". So far I've been right.
So. I hate this. Most of the time I sit in front of my computer and watch Netflix or go on Facebook or check my emails.
I do have a few things to look forward to. Tomorrow I have an interview at a temp agency. Friday I am going to my first meetup for adults with Asperger's. I'm hoping I feel like I belong there. I also have the Employment Resources meeting. And next Thursday I meet with my psychologist for the first time since my DX, when we can start getting down to business on my brain.
So there's that.
I'm volunteering at the Autism Society every Saturday helping an art teacher work with 3 very sweet little Aspies.
So tell me this. Why do I feel so helpless, hopeless, and alone? I mean, I guess I know the reason. It's not like I haven't felt this way many times in my life. But right now I feel at the mercy of an agency that may or may not choose to help me find work, and I am at the mercy of every company I apply to, whether they choose to give me a chance at a job or not.
I hate being out of control of my life. And yes, I always am, I know that intellectually, but when I have a job and am feeling useful, it gives me the illusion of being in control. Right now nothing seems in my control. It's pretty discouraging.
I finally talked to my counselor from the Workforce Center. I go in this Thursday to meet with him and then it takes up to 60 days for them to determine if I am eligible for their services. I've already been dumped by Unemployment Resources. I guess I could always call them back if things don't work out at the WC.
There are tons of things I could be doing while I am home. I could clean the house. I do the dishes and laundry. I scoop up huge balls of dog hair when I find it.
I could be getting rid of all of the excess crap in this house. I feel too overwhelmed when I think of that so I do nothing. I just finished watching the complete Buffy series for the second time and also am getting to the end of Supernatural.
I walk the dog each day. I force myself to.
I actually went and got my hair cut today along with an eyebrow and moustache wax. I actually went to Walgreen's, one of the stores I can go to without panicking. I felt quite productive today.
I have been applying for jobs. I have had phone interviews and even some in-person interviews. I feel like I flub them all up. I go in there, smile, make eye contact, say the right thing, and walk out and think, "they won't hire me". So far I've been right.
So. I hate this. Most of the time I sit in front of my computer and watch Netflix or go on Facebook or check my emails.
I do have a few things to look forward to. Tomorrow I have an interview at a temp agency. Friday I am going to my first meetup for adults with Asperger's. I'm hoping I feel like I belong there. I also have the Employment Resources meeting. And next Thursday I meet with my psychologist for the first time since my DX, when we can start getting down to business on my brain.
So there's that.
I'm volunteering at the Autism Society every Saturday helping an art teacher work with 3 very sweet little Aspies.
So tell me this. Why do I feel so helpless, hopeless, and alone? I mean, I guess I know the reason. It's not like I haven't felt this way many times in my life. But right now I feel at the mercy of an agency that may or may not choose to help me find work, and I am at the mercy of every company I apply to, whether they choose to give me a chance at a job or not.
I hate being out of control of my life. And yes, I always am, I know that intellectually, but when I have a job and am feeling useful, it gives me the illusion of being in control. Right now nothing seems in my control. It's pretty discouraging.
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