I've been wallowing in self-pity. And I'm tired of it.
So here are the facts.
I don't have a job and don't know if I will be able to get one due to the fact that I got fired from my last job, have a recent bankruptcy on my record, and I have time constraints: I probably could have a job by now if I didn't have to make sure M got up in the morning and onto a bus at 8:45 AM. Most of the places that have shown an interest want someone who can start work at 7 or 8. Hubby has a good, solid (for the moment) job that starts at 5AM every day. We can't monkey with his job - he has been the main breadwinner for quite some time.
When summer comes, my mother was nice enough to pay for M to go to summer camp so he was not a couch potato every day if we were both working. Camp starts at 9, so still then, I need a later start time.
We have been trying to work with our bank since our financial situation went to hell and they finally came up with a plan to lower our monthly payments by about $300.00 a month. This helps.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my new career counselor and he will determine if I am eligible for their services.
I don't really want a job at this moment. I want to write. So I am going to write while I wait this through.
M thinks that I am upset that I got this DX and thinks that is why I am frantic and frightened and feeling sorry for myself. That's not really the case, because all along I expected the DX to be what it is.
He looks up to me and his dad. He needs me to be strong and show him that Aspies CAN get along well in life and that I can be optimistic that things will work out somehow. He needs to see me handling life however it is thrown at me or he won't believe he has the strength to be an adult with Asperger's.
So. Enough. Right here and now I choose to get on with my life, whatever it gives me, and deal. Stop the pity party. Show my son that hey, life craps on you and you wash yourself up and move along. Period.
Now I am going to go write. While my mother has spent the last 6+ months telling me what a piece of crap I am (for several reasons, but mostly because we were going broke and it was apparently my fault, and also because I think she is going bat-shit crazy), my father has been telling me, this is your opportunity. You've always wanted to write, so write.
I've spent over a month feeling crappy about everything. And I'm done with that. I'm writing. And I'm volunteering. And when the right job comes along, I will know. I am not at the mercy of the world - I am in charge of my own life. I'm taking that back. I should have never tossed it away. But it's mine again. I'm back. And if anyone tries to take control of my life, they can get f*cked.
So here are the facts.
I don't have a job and don't know if I will be able to get one due to the fact that I got fired from my last job, have a recent bankruptcy on my record, and I have time constraints: I probably could have a job by now if I didn't have to make sure M got up in the morning and onto a bus at 8:45 AM. Most of the places that have shown an interest want someone who can start work at 7 or 8. Hubby has a good, solid (for the moment) job that starts at 5AM every day. We can't monkey with his job - he has been the main breadwinner for quite some time.
When summer comes, my mother was nice enough to pay for M to go to summer camp so he was not a couch potato every day if we were both working. Camp starts at 9, so still then, I need a later start time.
We have been trying to work with our bank since our financial situation went to hell and they finally came up with a plan to lower our monthly payments by about $300.00 a month. This helps.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my new career counselor and he will determine if I am eligible for their services.
I don't really want a job at this moment. I want to write. So I am going to write while I wait this through.
M thinks that I am upset that I got this DX and thinks that is why I am frantic and frightened and feeling sorry for myself. That's not really the case, because all along I expected the DX to be what it is.
He looks up to me and his dad. He needs me to be strong and show him that Aspies CAN get along well in life and that I can be optimistic that things will work out somehow. He needs to see me handling life however it is thrown at me or he won't believe he has the strength to be an adult with Asperger's.
So. Enough. Right here and now I choose to get on with my life, whatever it gives me, and deal. Stop the pity party. Show my son that hey, life craps on you and you wash yourself up and move along. Period.
Now I am going to go write. While my mother has spent the last 6+ months telling me what a piece of crap I am (for several reasons, but mostly because we were going broke and it was apparently my fault, and also because I think she is going bat-shit crazy), my father has been telling me, this is your opportunity. You've always wanted to write, so write.
I've spent over a month feeling crappy about everything. And I'm done with that. I'm writing. And I'm volunteering. And when the right job comes along, I will know. I am not at the mercy of the world - I am in charge of my own life. I'm taking that back. I should have never tossed it away. But it's mine again. I'm back. And if anyone tries to take control of my life, they can get f*cked.
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